“Shay, why do you always seem so shocked when I bring up a happy memory from our relationship? Am I not allowed to talk about the good times we had? We were friends forever, until we started dating and then we were together for five years. That’s a lot of memories for me–all my best ones in fact.”

His voice was gentle now. “And you can’t just wish them away because of what happened…after.”

She stared at him, thinking… She did do that. Why did she do that? Because the memories hurt, that’s why. But she realized that she needed to get a handle on that pain if she was ever going to truly get over him.

So she dredged up a smile and said, “Remember how those stupid heels I wore were killing my feet? You finally plucked them off my feet and threw them into the bay because you wanted to dance? At first I felt weird but then other women starting taking their shoes off, too. But then you had to carry me all the way to your house where we’d left your pickup.” She laughed at the memory and it felt good–genuine.

Jonah winced. “I remember, my back remembers. You’re not exactly a feather, Shay. And I never should have let you have that second piece of cake.”

“Jonah.” She scowled playfully.

“I’m kidding, and you know it.” He lifted his hands in a gesture of surrender and the sound of his laughter nearly stopped her heart. “I could carry you to Anchorage and back. Seriously Gary and Ingrid’s reception was hands down one of the best nights of my entire life. That whole day was.”

“Mine, too,” she said, but barely heard the words come out of her mouth because they seemed to have such precious little air to propel them.

“Can we talk about some things, Shay? About what happened with us? About what went wrong?”